Children and Divorce

Divorce is very common in today’s society, with about half of marriages ending in it. Although divorce may seem like the best situation for a married couple, often their children get the short end of the stick. Consistency is very important for children, and divorce can often be seen as a break in that consistency. While kids often claim, “If you loved me you’d let me do this,” in reality kids feel most secure when they know where the boundaries are.

In divorce, children often have no idea what is happening or why and may seem confused. Love is something often taken for granted by young children and divorce can be seen as a lapse in that love. Kids need to be reassured that although the parents no longer love each other, love for the children is not at stake. Often children see their parents as larger than life, and need to be reminded that they are human and have relationship issues just like anyone.

Although there may be many reasons to break up, children should be informed that they are not the cause. Even if there is an uncomfortable custody battle involving the children, parents should make clear that this is because the children are valuable to each parent and not because of something that the children have done.

A break up does not have to be a traumatic experience for the children. By educating them and assuring them that they are loved, divorce can become a much smoother process.